It is always hard to know where to start a journal, or a story. Do I start at the beginning and if so when did my journey start? I can't start at the end of course because only the Lord knows when that is. So, I will start in the middle, which, for all intents and purposes is right now.
A lot is happening in my life right now - not necessarily to me personally, but to those I care about. I have lived a life that has been essentially "me-centred", with illness and other challenges, and now I am finding that my needs and wants are far from my mind. And of course, the true centre of my being is Jesus Christ, from whom I am receiving all my strength. Without Him, I wouldn't be here today (but that is another story) and without Him, I wouldn't be able to cope. One of my life verses, Philippians 4:13 is really holding true for me now.
I think the Lord has been doing a good work in me over the last several years, but I really started to know the changes just in the last few months and they have been vast and furious since then. I found myself as part of a 24/7 prayer room during the first week of January and I was "doing" much more than I was praying - making sure there was enough refreshments, candles, and other supplies; filling empty time-slots so that it was truly 24/7; refreshing the schedule daily so people knew who was replacing them; etc. By Saturday night I was both exhausted and spiritually drained. I had a crisis of Faith and ended up standing outside the room at 9:00 at night in the freezing cold with the door locked asking the Lord to forgive me and let me start again. I cried and prayed for several minutes before opening the door and re-entering. When I did things started to improve. I was back in Sunday morning early and re-committed my life, vowing to be much more like Mary and less like Martha.
That was the start of a chain reaction inside my soul. I started reading the bible from the beginning but like I never did before, taking in each word, each moment with new clarity and absorbing it like I never have before. My prayer time has been more passionate, my worship more longing and my life much more full. It's all about YOU Jesus, not me.
I was recently interviewed in front of a bunch of youth I have helped with and was asked the question "In what way do you want the Lord to really challenge you at this point in time?". My answer was quick and from the heart, "I want Him to challenge me to really bring out my "Mary" and just sit at His feet and worship the daylights out of Him". A silly statement as I look at it, but it just came out and felt good.
So, I am spending less time being a servant of God and more time being a child of God and it feels so good. I have finally learned there is a difference between the two and I want to find the right balance.
About Me
- LPB
- I am a bit of a creative dreamer locked into a body that doesn't always work right. I have been plagued with many "itises" and "syndromes" and for awhile let them control my life. But as I enter my second half-century I am learning to go with the flow. I graduated from culinary school at 47, do catering and design cakes (mainly wedding and specialty) while still keeping my hand at writing and a bit of web design (after co-owning an internet business for 10 years). My passion for food is only surpassed by my passion for God and life, not to mention my wonderful husband, my father who moved in with us last year, and our two loveable mutts.
